The Most Painful Thing
by NekoNinja
Summary: A one-shot fic concerning the enternal (not really) question-Why did Sev let Lily get away from him?


Author's Note-*sigh* Again my malicious Divine Mallet of Inspiration strikes. Thank goodness this is a one-shot and doesn't require any commitment. All right down to business, this ficlet is my answer to a certain question that's been drifting around in my head for some time. Why on earth did Severus let Lily Evans/Potter get away? Slytherin=Ambition, even if he was shy around her wouldn't he at least set things up or somethin'. Enough of my ranting, enjoy the story ^^  
  
Disclaimer and a mild warning-I don't own these characters the most fabulous JK Rowling happens to. Now for the mild warning, this story does have a few disturbing bits, I played around with putting it in R, but then figured they weren't graphic enough, you have been warned...  
  
It was the night after Voldemort was defeated. In a table, in a shadowy corner of the Three Broomsticks two former Death Eaters sat across from each other. The first had long platinum blond locks and icy blue eyes. He flashed a set of sparkling white teeth in a charming smile at any woman that made eye contact with him, some got a wink and a grin, but the majority received a grin. The second had a shoulder length raven colored mop of hair with an oily sheen to it, his eyes were just as dark, their light heavy and mournful. Both men had pale skin, the first had more of a glow, while the second's was like a pale shadow, dark and light at the same moment.  
  
"I can't believe she's gone," the second man said in a voice as soft and dark as black velvet.  
  
"Severus," the first man drawled. "It's been five years, you've got to get over her."  
  
"That's a lot coming from you Lucius. You personally redifined having a fling."  
  
"Your infatuation with Lily is wasting your life away. We both know what she thinks of you."  
  
Serverus' eyes grew darker and started to smolder. Yes, he remembered like it happened an hour ago. It was during his sixth year at Hogwarts, very close to December. For the last two years he and Lily met every other night in the library so he could tutor him in Potions. She was so pretty: long, flowing red hair, wide, vivid green eyes, perky smile, an annoyingly cute squeaky laugh, and a chain of cinnamon colored freckles across her cheeks and nose. Those evenings were among some of the best in his life. But then, oh Merlin that night!  
  
"I'm going to be late," Severus chided himself as he raced down the hall towards the library. Shouldn't have spent so much time on that Charms work. Merlin, how could he forget this was a Lily night. He turned a corner and saw Lily near the end of the hall on the staircase leading to the floor the library was on, James Potter was behind her though not on the stairs. They looked like they were arguing, how delightful. Curiousity bit him, hard, so he crept as close as he could get the them and hid behind a suit of armor.  
  
"So it is true, isn't it!" James roared.  
  
"Is what true?" Lily responded playfully.  
  
"About you and Snape. That you're..you're an item."  
  
Lily burst out laughing, "We are not."  
  
"Then why do you go see him so often?"  
  
"You're so silly James. Severus helps me out with Potions."  
  
"But, your pretty good in Potions."  
  
"Why do you think I'm so good in Potions."  
  
James crosse his eyes and wrinkled his nose up. "Yeah but why Snape, Peter's good in Potions and so are a lot of other Gryffindors."  
  
"Geez, James do I have to spell it out for you. The poor git fancies me to no end. He'll gladly help me out in any subject without wanting any favors in return. As for dating him, James don't make me laugh. He's too by the books and too deep in them as well. I'd date Peter, no Barty Crouch from the Ministry before considering him boyfriend material."  
  
If Lily said anything after that, Severus surely didn't hear it. In that moment his head seemed to fill with air, his stomach with rocks, and his knees with water. His chest in agony like a nightmare with terrible, posionous talons was hacking away at it. Mind screaming No, No, No, No it can't be real, I'm dreaming the echoes of them repeating to oblivion. He never made it to the library, instead stumbling back to the safe haven to his room.  
  
Severus went straight to bed, without removing any article of clothing. Lied there without sleep for the longest, darkest night of his life, silently repeating Merlin why don't I hate her, with salty-silver tears flowing in flooding rivers down his face.  
  
His first class the following day was Transfiguration with with the Gryffindors. Even though he was dizzy, had a slight case of the shakes, and his skin was hot enough to fry bacon, he still found enough strength to get from his bed to the classroom. There was a folded peice of parchment on his desk when he got there, it read:  
  
You weren't at the library yesterday. What happened?  
  
A wave of nausea mixed with a little confusion and anger swept through him, Lily sat next to him in Transfiguration. Few flicks of his wrist later and the note was replied and sent back. His answer, No. It didn't take Lily long to scratch something down and toss the note back:  
  
Sev, you look awful. Your eyes are bloodshot and you keep shaking. You should be in the hospital ward.  
  
I'm fine, was his reply. The next time the note bounced onto his desk he ignored it. Besides his vision was getting hazy, he could barely make out anything except big spoltches of color. Ha also thought he was hearing Professor McGonagall to his right, she was saying. "Mr. Snape, Mr. Snape what's wrong?"  
  
"I'm fine," he slurred before being pulled into a nice cozy darkness.  
  
What was he hearing now? Feet, feet walking on a tile floor. Why was he lying down? Now there was a hand on his head and a voice. Sounded like....Madame Pomfrey? She was saying. "It's snowing you know, all the children are out having a big snowball war. Wake up child you should be out there, not lying in here."  
  
Wake up? Was he sleeping, if so why couldn't he just wake up and get it over with? Snowing, of course it could've it was the end of November. That cozy darkness pulled him away again.  
  
Now what was it? More foot sounds and yet another voice. This time it sounded like Dumbledore, he sounded sad. "I pity that poor boy. No family, not many friends to speak of. If he were to pass tonight it would have as much an effect as a stone being tossed into an ocean-"  
  
What? What was that? He couldn't be talking about him? Could he?  
  
"Mercy, he's slipping again!" This sounded like Madame Pomfrey. "Come on lad pull through it, don't let it beat you-" He slipped back into the blackness, not hearing anymore of that exchange.  
  
"Odin's eye, are you ever going to wake up? What happened to you anyway, did you try to off yourself after failing a test of something?"  
  
Severus felt his eyes slowly peeling open. Looked like he was in the hospital ward. Figures, he passed out in McGonagall's class. He sat up, his limbs felt like they were full of sand and the joints had rusted, he was in his sleep wear as well. The speaker was sitting on his bed with their back facing him, the platinum blond hair was a dead give away though.  
  
"Lucius?"  
  
Lucius whirled around, eyes wide with shock and spat out. "Herne with a hernia, how long have you been conscious!"  
  
"How long was I out?" Severus streched his arms, trying to get some feeling back into them.  
  
"Gods man, you were out for a good month! This is January second."  
  
This time it was Severus' turn to be shocked. "January second?"  
  
"I know! You were dancing with death for a while too. Oh and if Lily Evans is supposed to be your girl why isn't she down here hoping for your safe and immediate return to consciousness?"  
  
Severus felt his heart gain a ton of grief. It'd be better to just tell him, then to let him make his own speculation, the story wasn't that long anyway.  
  
"Damned Mudblood tramp," were the first words to spill from Lucius' mouth. He glanced around and leaned in a little closer. "Just between me and you, you ought to make Lily Evans pay for that. Make her suffer like hell." A gleam of what could have been called demonic brilliance flashed in Lucius' eyes. "And if you'll give me the go ahead I have the perfect idea."  
  
He told Lucius to knock himself out, as the Muggles put it. Even now he wondered if he should have done it. Lucius simply waited until he found Lily alone, dragged her to some little known chamber and used her. He was never caught, he took too many precautions, Lucius didn't even tell him untill after they graduated, even though he always knew in the back of his mind that it was him. The mere thought of the act disgusted and intrigued him to this day. But, it made the Marauders draw Lily closer, possibly bringing James and Lily together.  
  
His life went on, even the pain of the Cruciatus curse was nothing like the heart ache he felt after he heard Lily's true opinion about him. And none of the acts he performed for Voldemort ever topped the guilt he felt, both for her and himself. Now Lily was dead, killed by his former master. She was out of his reach forever, as if she hadn't already been since that day....  
  
"Earth to Severus, come in Severus," Lucius' voice snapped him back to reality again.  
  
"Why does your voice always seem to snap me out of whatever state of non-consciousness I happen to be in?"  
  
Lucius' face darkened. "Gods, you have to stop thinking about her. She was a Gryffindor, how far did you think you could get with her? Besides, having a relationship with her wold really showcase your house pride."  
  
"That coming from a man that married a Hufflepuff."  
  
Lucius sighed. "Listen here, no Slytherin with any house pride marries a Gryffindor. And no Slytherin man with a working brain behind his eyes will marry a Slytherin girl if he didn't want a heap of difficulties."  
  
" Oh, so that's your excuse."  
  
Lucius sighed again and shook his head. "Anyway, what are you doing tommorrow?"  
  
"Teaching, what else would I be doing."  
  
"That's it you're coming with me when we leave."  
  
"And where pray tell, are we going?"  
  
"Knockturn Alley, there's no way I'm letting you loose on those kids-"  
  
"Getting pretty paternal since Draco came along have we Lucius?"  
  
"Shut up Severus. As I was saying, I'm not letting you loose on those kids with that pent up sexual frustration this turn of events is giving you."  
  
A flash of red crept across Severus' pale face. "I don't have any pent up sexual frustrations."  
  
"Yes and Narcissa's a Ravenclaw," Lucius stood, pulled Severus out of his chair and led him out of the Three Broomsticks. "Besides there's a new girl on the street, firey redhead. You'll *love* her to death." 


End file.
